This is not the typical chronological blog. Each blog entry is the beginning of a discussion of a problem that parents of adopted children may face. For these issues, I do not have all the answers but I do have questions. I invite you to comment on the blog under the specific topics and hopefully together we can help each other work out the problems we face. Please feel free to vent about your hard times and/or share advice on what may work for others. If you would like to suggest new topics please email me at hinkson@pcu.net. Check back often to see if any new comments can be of help. Also all the comments have to be OK'd before they post and so don't panic if they don't immediately show on the site. They will be posted soon.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Annoying and irritating behavior
What do you do when your new child seems to annoy you or other family members? Do they outgrow this behavior? Help!!
For the longest time, I just thought he'd figure it out. He'd figure out bragging and tooting his own horn was annoying. That constantly tattling irritated his siblings. But he didn't and I realized that this little guy has had NO parental influence with regards to social behaviors and manners and if I don't teach him....who would? I am his mom. I've had to address things that are normally addressed at a much younger age, like table manners and interrupting a conversation not to mention the bragging and tattling. Of course you need to wait long enough for the language skills to be there and you need to approach them directly. I've learned that being subtle or sarcastic or even just joking about it does not work. Even just last night (and our son's been home for sixteen months) we talked about drinking our milk without getting a milk mustache. He's twelve now and sitting through dinner with milk dripping from his upper lip through the entire meal, making no attempt to wipe his face. I know it's a small, stupid thing but I don't want him to be on his first date and have people laughing behind his back or worse in front of his face. He has no clue because no one has ever loved and cared for him enough in his life to teach him such a simple thing-just like the annoying behaviors. We do talk about how much mom must love him to talk to him about all these things and rather than feeling picked on, he should just feel loved! He's come leaps and bounds once I just came out and talked directly with him about his offending/impolite behaviors.
For the longest time, I just thought he'd figure it out. He'd figure out bragging and tooting his own horn was annoying. That constantly tattling irritated his siblings. But he didn't and I realized that this little guy has had NO parental influence with regards to social behaviors and manners and if I don't teach him....who would? I am his mom. I've had to address things that are normally addressed at a much younger age, like table manners and interrupting a conversation not to mention the bragging and tattling. Of course you need to wait long enough for the language skills to be there and you need to approach them directly. I've learned that being subtle or sarcastic or even just joking about it does not work. Even just last night (and our son's been home for sixteen months) we talked about drinking our milk without getting a milk mustache. He's twelve now and sitting through dinner with milk dripping from his upper lip through the entire meal, making no attempt to wipe his face. I know it's a small, stupid thing but I don't want him to be on his first date and have people laughing behind his back or worse in front of his face. He has no clue because no one has ever loved and cared for him enough in his life to teach him such a simple thing-just like the annoying behaviors.
ReplyDeleteWe do talk about how much mom must love him to talk to him about all these things and rather than feeling picked on, he should just feel loved! He's come leaps and bounds once I just came out and talked directly with him about his offending/impolite behaviors.